everything is yours

i feel like i am learning over and over again...i starting to grasp that...everything is trully yours.

When all the world is blossoming
And everything around is bursting into life
And I don't have to strain to hear the beat of Your heart

When all the world is under fire
When skies are threatening to thunder and rain
And I am overcome by fears that I can't see

If everything is Yours
Everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I'm letting it go
No, it was never mine to hold
No, never mine

Who could command the stars to sing
Or hold the raging seas from breaking through the doors?
And tend the fragile roses with the very same hands

If everything is Yours
Everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I'm letting it go
I am, I'm letting it go, letting go
Yeah, I'm letting it go

'Cause everything is Yours
Yeah, everything is Yours

If everything is Yours, God
And everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I'm letting it go, let it go, let it go, let it go

It was never mine, no, no
It was never mine, never mine
[Incomprehensible] no

Surrender my heart...every second of the day

"This is the prayer in the desert when everything within me feels dry "My God is a good who provides" there is a faith proved more worth then gold so refine me Lord through the flames...

6 months with the boo

Mario Surprised me with flowers on my desk...


And i made him these two "scrap books"....

This digital ecard made with Smilebox

Another digital scrapbook by Smilebox

Candida Day 1

Candida Day 1

It was an up and down day. I wad determined. Luckily I felt horrible enough to actually be strict on the diet.

It was exhausting but my Mom helped me make some really good food.

the end.

healer

what if i trully believed that Jesus was my healer....my healer of my emotional hurt and baggage...and healer of my body...all of which things that are keeping me from living the life that you desire me to have....

i want to believe that you trully are my healer...

tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...just to rest apon his word.

distacted from my work day, i can't stop praying for the Hunter family. their little girl 's memorial service is about to start. i spent some time this morning reading their blogs.

Rest....

...and I will give you rest. —Matthew 11:28

Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once, asking Him to re-establish your rest. Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all. Beware of allowing your self-awareness to continue, because slowly but surely it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is satanic. Don’t allow yourself to say, “Well, they have just misunderstood me, and this is something over which they should be apologizing to me; I’m sure I must have this cleared up with them already.” Learn to leave others alone regarding this. Simply ask the Lord to give you Christ-awareness, and He will steady you until your completeness in Him is absolute.

A complete life is the life of a child. When I am fully conscious of my awareness of Christ, there is something wrong. It is the sick person who really knows what health is [So true!]. A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer.

If we try to overcome our self-awareness through any of our own commonsense methods, we will only serve to strengthen our self-awareness tremendously. Jesus says,“Come to Me...and I will give you rest,” that is, Christ-awareness will take the place of self-awareness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest— the rest of the completion of activity in our lives that is never aware of itself.

the bible

"The Bible has become an ongoing communication between me and Jesus. I don't know how many times I've sat with the Bible in my hands, and felt an encouraging word or a corrective nudge. A command to overcome, or a promise that I'd never have to do it alone. It's not specifically written to me, but the Holy Spirit marks it with my name as He reveals truth."

an excerpt from the deovtion, "an encourgement for today".

dreams

sometimes i just dont believe that they can come true...however...one just did....my roomates!!!

a perspectives check

"Every stage in life calls for an expansion of our faith to meet the new horizons"

Every stage of life has something exciting about it, but also, its only vast array of "opportunities" to trust the Lord in. Until the day we die, there will always be areas of trusting in the Lord.....

being content...

...sometimes i get jelouse of other peoples lives especially when they are more awesome, flexible and full of adventure than my current life. Its easy to see just the good. For an example, my roommate is a teacher so she gets her summers off. My boyfriend, has this AWESOME job where he gets to travel all over the world, has a VERY flexible time schedule and gets to take days off, and won't be back in the office till the end of the year (if that). (both of which get paid more than me...side note=)

It is easy to look at what others have and desire that. "The grass is always greener on the other side". But i am learning about being content where God has me. I have a VERY gracious and flexible job when it comes to 9-5s. I can roll in late or leave early and not get fired. I have definitely been blessed. I am sure some people are jelous of my situation as well..

Today, my boyfriend, roommate and friends are at disney. I was invited to go, however turned it down, knowing that i need to be happy for them, and content where God has me today.

In realizing this truth, and being content in this, i have been able to be happy for others blessings and even enjoy my day in my cube, knowing that i am pleasing my maker by sitting and working in my 9-5.

And i can sit here and be thankful that people i love get to have a wonderful day at Disney=) God certainly is good...

update: its definitely something that i have to continually give to Jesus and trust him for...it doesnt always come naturally...like righttttttt now (im in a longggg meeting)!!

pankakes

my rabbit tonight...i was spending some time pettting him. he is shedding his coat right now, they do that every few months. as i was trying to take clumbs of hair off of him, i stopped petting him for a few seconds. immediately he bit me.

immediately it made me think about how often God is just "grooming" me, trying to help me shed my coat, and how i just bite him.

as i was thinking of this, jonny diaz's new song came on...

"You have a much better purpose

And You have a far greater plan
And You have a bigger perspective
Cause You hold this world in your hands

The things that I seek are from You
Like the strong healing touch of your hand
But when You say no help me trust even though
There’s a reason I can’t understand"

madly in love with you - Jesus

by Sean Mcconnell:

Madly In Love With You

See you down there everyday
Trying to find a different way
To build some kind of latter to the sky

Trying to find some way to see
Secrets of eternity, and they don’t come all at once
And you don’t know why

Well how do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name
While all the while I’m trying to open up your heart
See you when you cry yourself to sleep
It’s tearing me apart

I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
don’t you lose your faith in me

I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you

I know that you’re waiting for,
A chance to come in from the war
If only a moment, if only a day

A place where you feel safe and warm
A sanctuary from the storm
Until all of these questions fade away

But I cannot count on all the signs
You’ve passed away as mere coincidence
And im running out of ways to break through
Like a lonely lover, Waiting by the ocean
Ill never give up on you

I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
Don’t you lose your faith in me

I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you

life is made up of choices

you have to choose. choose to believe a lie or believe the truth. choose to move on or wallow in the past. choose to live for Christ or live for your self. choose to forgive or hold on to your hate? are you going to choose to live in the past or claim your future. choose to claim the power within or choose to give into your flesh. choose to re live the hurt or bring it to Jesus. even the small choices matter. choose to love each person or let it slide. choose to be jelouse or love. -

these choices arent easy. and many of them will have to be made consistently. hourly even. even the small choices will define who you are...they will build or break down your character. make others feel loved or not loved. many choices to be made.

what are you choosing today? what am i choosing today?

a cure for the pain by jon foreman

So I'm not sure why it always flows downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either writers or fools behind the reigns
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all way
But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away
A lie to run
It would be a lie
It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling (x4)
Water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away (x3)

im not sure yet, what this song means to me...what i think about it. i know i like it. it touches my soul. but im not sure what this song says. i think it says that we try to find a cure for our pain, running from it, but Jesus suffered way more than we ever will...and running from our pain is not the cure...but Jesus is...because he suffered...he is...

tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...

just to take him at his words. just to rest apon his promise. never shall i ever get tired of those words....seek deep deep deep into my soul. penetrate my existence.

my heart's secret desires...

one day ill write them down...one day hopefully soon...

What is holding you back?

ive been very contemplative lately. you may never know that. its all in my head.

today at work i felt so overwhelmed. i had to run an errand that basically was stampled with a huge F for FAIL. As i felt like the world biggest failure walking back from that errand, Jesus opened my eyes to my surroundings.

I noticed all the amazing truth that is on the walls around me (as i am very luck to work in a christian organization).

I cant even remeber it all right now but basically it got me thinking. What is holding me back? It reminds me of that old song, "pushing every hindrance aside, out of my way, i want to love you more"

What is holding me back from doing what i trully desire, what makes me feel alive?

- Fear

- Health Issues

- Rejection

- Comfortability

- Lake of Time (not MAKING the time)

- Not readiness

- Healing

rapha-h found in the verse psalms 46:10 which bascially means:

In the quiet In the stillness I know that You are God In the secret of

Your presence I know there I am restored

tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to rest apon his word....

gosh that gives me such i dont even know...my heart just gets so very excited.

He is so worth trusting. so.

to be continued....

My New Heart

soooo 20 years ago today i got a new heart....20 years ago today as a little innocent unknowing 5 year old, i asked Jesus into my heart. did i know what that meant??? i have no idea...if i did or not but Jesus did.

In the last twenty years God and i have deffientely been on a crazy journey. There has been sin, doubt, love, learning, falling, getting back up, falling down again...but one thing has stayed consistent. His love for me. His continual seeking after me. His pateince.

i remeber when i was 5, as a precious little girl, i asking Jesus into my heart, I remeber when i descided that i knew how to live my life better than God, he was there. I remeber when i debated throwing in the towel, so desperately wanting and thinking i knew how to be the happiest, he was there. i remeber when i starting to pursue Jesus as a boyfriend, and daiting him and learning to hear his vioce, he was there... i remeber when i gave JEsus my second decade, wanting it to be his, realizing that only he could fill my deepest longings, he was there, i remeber when Jesus held me as i found out my best friend had died, he was there, i remeber being held over and over again in the next years as i lay in his arms with a broken heart, he was there, i remeber when i descided to trust him, that he he knew best, he was there, i remeber when i realized that i didnt believe that God was good, i knew that he was but i didnt believe it, he was there, and ohhh i remeber how precious it was as he took the lies and replaced them with truth, and as my heart down to its core started to believe that God was good..oh he was there...i remeber when fear use to rule in my heart, and i would tremble wishing i could die as i hid in my closet, my God was there, as i sinned, repented, sinnged repented, oh he was there....hes always been there...the last twenty years is a journey of faithfullness...of God patiently loving his little girl....

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you: I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh" Ezekiel 36:26

Song of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_t_87NyHx0&feature=related

"and if our God is for us then who can stop us!!!??!!? and if our God is with us then what can stand against?!?!?!?!"

Love Woke Me Up...

today has just been wonderful...wonderful...

there has bit alot of chaos lately. unfortutuately i havnt written about it. basically life has been busy with the usual work and social stuff but then my grandma went to be with Jesus...

i really need to write and process about that expierence. ok so i am completely exhausted. completely. and have not been sleeping enough...This morning i woke up in a fright thinking that i had slept and missed my morning meetings. Fortunately when i saw what time it was, i realized that i had awaked 25 minutes(ish) before my alarm was to go off. I felt fresh and awake and instantly felt as if Jesus has woken me up to spend time with him. And that is what i did. and it was glorious!!!!

So i am having a wonderful time hanging out with Jesus on the way to...

to be continued....