What Christmas Means To Me

Jesus,

Thank you. Thank you for coming to earth. Thank you for what that means. It means a lot to me. I don’t even know all the way that it means to me.

But thank you. Christmas, as you know. Has always been hard for me. It has always been filled with tears and feelings like I don’t belong. Christmas in highschool was filled with hurt and wishing I could have Kyle as my boyfriend. That’s all I ever asked for for Christmas. Everything had to be a secret and I hated it.Well, last night while at the Christmas eve service I was filled with so much joy.

Your birth means so much. Your birth means that I am loved. It means that I am capable of love, peace, joy, and hope and of course so much more. Your birth means that I always have someone in my corner. I have a bigger thing to believe in, to trust in. It means that when those I love die who love you, I will see them again. What a HUGE promise.

i am not enough

Tonight I do not feel like enough. In every aspect….my outer beauty, my abilities, my worth, with friends, my sister, a moh….my time, my work…the things i desire to do but just dont know how...my passions for the world...

I feel burdened….saddened by this…


Then I read John 6 where Jesus feeds the 5 thousand. All the little boy had to give was a few loaves of bread and some fish. Definitely not enough to feed all the people. But he gave ALL that he had.

Jesus just took what the little boy could give. And He didn’t just make it enough. He made it more.

Jesus does that with me (and you). I am not enough. But , if I am willing to give him all of me and trust Him he will do abundantly more than just make me enough. He will make me more than enough, he will work in me and not just compensate my flaws and misgivings but lead me to abundant life.

Through him i can love people i never thought i could, and honestly. I can have peace in situations i thought impossible, praise Jesus when my heart aches, and be not only just satisfied but over joyed in seasons which i thought would be lonely and full of heart ache. Through his abundances i can fail, i can be not enough.

Goodness gracious, what an amazing gift we have this Christmas....and next time satan tempts you to despair by telling you that you are not enough, tell him..."you are absolutely correct, but THANK GOD...He IS enough!"

My bloggy blog...

just checking if i can post date thangs...

waiting...

im tired of waiting
what am i even waiting for
am i "waiting" because im scared
because i have no clue where to go
or am i waiting for SOMETHING
anything?

i dont know....

wisdom from a rabbit

My bunny left my room today and went to play in the living room. Normally he just sits under one of the couches because they are dark and have a small space like a rabbit hole. Most of the time when i need him out I have to go get him. Well I was doing some laundry and I walked past my bedroom door and see Pan Kakes. He was wanting making his way back into the room but got scared by my movement and went to hide under a foot rest a few feet away. I ignored him and kept working.

As i went to my closet again he did the same thing. He was almost into my room, but saw me and ran back under a stool which provided little to non protection but "felt" safe to him. I watch him for a bit then said out loud, "Pankakes I am your mother and I love you! I love you more than your own mother, I will protect you"!!! I then i looked at him for a bit and went back to folding clothes. Seconds later i said, "OMG"!! Realizing the truth in what i just said. Realizing how i am that scared little rabbit.

How many times have I run from God, been scared of God, scared to come home, scared and any sudden movement and run to what may "feel" safe but is a completely false sense of safeness. My God does love me more than my mother, he will protect me and he will care for me.

Right after i finished writing this i went to go check on Pan Kakes. There he was in the bathroom. He saw me and jumped over a box and circled around my feet, wanting some attention.

"When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you

And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
I hate these consequences
Because I know that I let you down
Now I don't wanna deal with that"
Relient K

Husband

Husband,

Theres been a few boys that have come and gone
But you were not one of them, especially not jon
Right now, I have no clue who you are or what you do
But I know, I cant wait to fall madly in love with you
I pray for you where ever you might be
That you are seeking the Lord and that you follow him with glee
When will I meet you, I wonder in anticipation
But when I think,about it, I get wet with precipitation
For I am not ready for whoever you are
Im alright, but not quite up to par
I want to love Jesus more and more
And learn how to trust him, right down to my core
Hes got some more healing, he wants to do in me
So that when I find you, we can be happy as can be.
But until then, ill pray and pray for me and for who?
And wait for that day..when I can say…I love you…

proverbs three five ruth style

trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, with all your hopes, with all your dreams with all your fears and failures, dont rely on what you understand or see, but in all that you do...follow your Shepard step by step, because he is good and faithful and he will guide you...

climb that mountain girl=)