im tired of waiting
what am i even waiting for
am i "waiting" because im scared
because i have no clue where to go
or am i waiting for SOMETHING
anything?
i dont know....
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
wisdom from a rabbit
My bunny left my room today and went to play in the living room. Normally he just sits under one of the couches because they are dark and have a small space like a rabbit hole. Most of the time when i need him out I have to go get him. Well I was doing some laundry and I walked past my bedroom door and see Pan Kakes. He was wanting making his way back into the room but got scared by my movement and went to hide under a foot rest a few feet away. I ignored him and kept working.
As i went to my closet again he did the same thing. He was almost into my room, but saw me and ran back under a stool which provided little to non protection but "felt" safe to him. I watch him for a bit then said out loud, "Pankakes I am your mother and I love you! I love you more than your own mother, I will protect you"!!! I then i looked at him for a bit and went back to folding clothes. Seconds later i said, "OMG"!! Realizing the truth in what i just said. Realizing how i am that scared little rabbit.
How many times have I run from God, been scared of God, scared to come home, scared and any sudden movement and run to what may "feel" safe but is a completely false sense of safeness. My God does love me more than my mother, he will protect me and he will care for me.
Right after i finished writing this i went to go check on Pan Kakes. There he was in the bathroom. He saw me and jumped over a box and circled around my feet, wanting some attention.
"When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
I hate these consequences
Because I know that I let you down
Now I don't wanna deal with that"
Relient K
As i went to my closet again he did the same thing. He was almost into my room, but saw me and ran back under a stool which provided little to non protection but "felt" safe to him. I watch him for a bit then said out loud, "Pankakes I am your mother and I love you! I love you more than your own mother, I will protect you"!!! I then i looked at him for a bit and went back to folding clothes. Seconds later i said, "OMG"!! Realizing the truth in what i just said. Realizing how i am that scared little rabbit.
How many times have I run from God, been scared of God, scared to come home, scared and any sudden movement and run to what may "feel" safe but is a completely false sense of safeness. My God does love me more than my mother, he will protect me and he will care for me.
Right after i finished writing this i went to go check on Pan Kakes. There he was in the bathroom. He saw me and jumped over a box and circled around my feet, wanting some attention.
"When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
I hate these consequences
Because I know that I let you down
Now I don't wanna deal with that"
Relient K
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Husband
Husband,
Theres been a few boys that have come and gone
But you were not one of them, especially not jon
Right now, I have no clue who you are or what you do
But I know, I cant wait to fall madly in love with you
I pray for you where ever you might be
That you are seeking the Lord and that you follow him with glee
When will I meet you, I wonder in anticipation
But when I think,about it, I get wet with precipitation
For I am not ready for whoever you are
Im alright, but not quite up to par
I want to love Jesus more and more
And learn how to trust him, right down to my core
Hes got some more healing, he wants to do in me
So that when I find you, we can be happy as can be.
But until then, ill pray and pray for me and for who?
And wait for that day..when I can say…I love you…
Theres been a few boys that have come and gone
But you were not one of them, especially not jon
Right now, I have no clue who you are or what you do
But I know, I cant wait to fall madly in love with you
I pray for you where ever you might be
That you are seeking the Lord and that you follow him with glee
When will I meet you, I wonder in anticipation
But when I think,about it, I get wet with precipitation
For I am not ready for whoever you are
Im alright, but not quite up to par
I want to love Jesus more and more
And learn how to trust him, right down to my core
Hes got some more healing, he wants to do in me
So that when I find you, we can be happy as can be.
But until then, ill pray and pray for me and for who?
And wait for that day..when I can say…I love you…
Monday, June 29, 2009
proverbs three five ruth style
trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, with all your hopes, with all your dreams with all your fears and failures, dont rely on what you understand or see, but in all that you do...follow your Shepard step by step, because he is good and faithful and he will guide you...
climb that mountain girl=)
Friday, May 16, 2008
Narnia
Narnia
What did i think about Narnia? i cried my eyes out.
I dont want to fight wars, id rather just hide out in the woods like the beavers. I cried, my heart ached becaues of the reality of war, the battle we have to fight every day. How hard it is to win, how many die.
I belive that Narnia depics our Spirtual life. And like they fought against King Miraz to free themselves from the his bondage, we fight again Satan to free our flesh from spirtual bondage.
Spirtually, life is hard, there are seaons of peace, and seasons of constant battles. The enemy is ruthless, taintalizing...out to steal kill and destroy.
I love lucy (pun not intended). She is someone i want to be like. She is someone that i admire. She is someone I can relate to. I feel like at times i can see Jesus. I see him in the trees, i see him. But sometimes im too afraide to stand up and claim it. To trully belive.
Lucy is scared, but Aslan says something about how she is so brave. Im that little girl crossing the bridge, facing her fears, with a tiny sword. Laughable. But then from Behind there is a lion, strong, and powerful. He is able to conquer with the slightest breath.
Many thougth that there was not enough "plot line" in the movie but i felt like the plot line was powerful and life like. Sometimes all there is in life is battles. Sometimes that is the plot. Battles are constant, real, everywhere.
Do i want to stand and fight? Get hurt and possibly die? Or hide in the back of the battle where it feels slightly a bit more "safe"
I cried because i was angry. Angry that God created a world that has so much fear. A world where battles are a necessity. I would love peace. But in reality that wont happen until the end of time. Until that day, at any moment tragity can hit.
January 13th
Just like how it appeared that God had abondoned Narnia, i had felt that God had abondoned me. He hadnt been seen in years...
this time when i rewatched narnia, i have a completely different perspective. One of hope.
oldest boy: why wouldnt i have seen him?
Lucy: maybe bc you werent really looking
all the narniasn are in a sense on the same side. But many of them turned against one of another. Just like how us follows of Christ do. We turn on one another when trully our enemy is Satan.
a squrall: Is this possible, do you really think we can have peace?
we must prepare for battle...even now....
Walking over the bridge:
even the trees, the leaves teh wind, they are groan for the Glory of God.
quotes from aslan:
aslan, youve grown
every year you grow, so shall i
why didnt you come help us?
things never happen the same way twice dear one
What did i think about Narnia? i cried my eyes out.
I dont want to fight wars, id rather just hide out in the woods like the beavers. I cried, my heart ached becaues of the reality of war, the battle we have to fight every day. How hard it is to win, how many die.
I belive that Narnia depics our Spirtual life. And like they fought against King Miraz to free themselves from the his bondage, we fight again Satan to free our flesh from spirtual bondage.
Spirtually, life is hard, there are seaons of peace, and seasons of constant battles. The enemy is ruthless, taintalizing...out to steal kill and destroy.
I love lucy (pun not intended). She is someone i want to be like. She is someone that i admire. She is someone I can relate to. I feel like at times i can see Jesus. I see him in the trees, i see him. But sometimes im too afraide to stand up and claim it. To trully belive.
Lucy is scared, but Aslan says something about how she is so brave. Im that little girl crossing the bridge, facing her fears, with a tiny sword. Laughable. But then from Behind there is a lion, strong, and powerful. He is able to conquer with the slightest breath.
Many thougth that there was not enough "plot line" in the movie but i felt like the plot line was powerful and life like. Sometimes all there is in life is battles. Sometimes that is the plot. Battles are constant, real, everywhere.
Do i want to stand and fight? Get hurt and possibly die? Or hide in the back of the battle where it feels slightly a bit more "safe"
I cried because i was angry. Angry that God created a world that has so much fear. A world where battles are a necessity. I would love peace. But in reality that wont happen until the end of time. Until that day, at any moment tragity can hit.
January 13th
Just like how it appeared that God had abondoned Narnia, i had felt that God had abondoned me. He hadnt been seen in years...
this time when i rewatched narnia, i have a completely different perspective. One of hope.
oldest boy: why wouldnt i have seen him?
Lucy: maybe bc you werent really looking
all the narniasn are in a sense on the same side. But many of them turned against one of another. Just like how us follows of Christ do. We turn on one another when trully our enemy is Satan.
a squrall: Is this possible, do you really think we can have peace?
we must prepare for battle...even now....
Walking over the bridge:
even the trees, the leaves teh wind, they are groan for the Glory of God.
quotes from aslan:
aslan, youve grown
every year you grow, so shall i
why didnt you come help us?
things never happen the same way twice dear one
Thursday, January 17, 2008
wait...
who have i in heaven but you?
thought my heart my fail me
you are my strength
wait for the long...
those who wait on the Lord will rise on wings like eagles...
You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes
-diana ross
everywhere i go its hurry hurry. i hate waiting, hate waiting, i always want to grow up fast, always want the next stange in my life. wanted boobs, then my period, couldnt wait till i was 16 to have my first boyfriend, couldnt wait till it was Gods time, couldnt wait till i was healed, couldnt wait to say babys, to say i love you... but now i must wait. i must wait before the Lord on his time, wait to hear from God, wait until i get sent somewhere, wait to graduate, i must wait until i talk to phillip, wait to see my boyfriend, wait to buy myself things....wait...it actually feels good...
Read more:http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=4516526&blogId=348491428#ixzz0uL8fevfC
thought my heart my fail me
you are my strength
wait for the long...
those who wait on the Lord will rise on wings like eagles...
You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes
-diana ross
everywhere i go its hurry hurry. i hate waiting, hate waiting, i always want to grow up fast, always want the next stange in my life. wanted boobs, then my period, couldnt wait till i was 16 to have my first boyfriend, couldnt wait till it was Gods time, couldnt wait till i was healed, couldnt wait to say babys, to say i love you... but now i must wait. i must wait before the Lord on his time, wait to hear from God, wait until i get sent somewhere, wait to graduate, i must wait until i talk to phillip, wait to see my boyfriend, wait to buy myself things....wait...it actually feels good...
Read more:http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=4516526&blogId=348491428#ixzz0uL8fevfC
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
dealth
im struggling....
I have this gift/curse....where i take on the burdens of others. It may not seem from the outside but inside i just ache.
I wonder God, why? Why is pain so rampant in the world? Why does dealth sting so bad? I feel so helpless. I want to just avoid the pain, i feel as though i need to be strong for others. I dont show how it affects me
I have this gift/curse....where i take on the burdens of others. It may not seem from the outside but inside i just ache.
I wonder God, why? Why is pain so rampant in the world? Why does dealth sting so bad? I feel so helpless. I want to just avoid the pain, i feel as though i need to be strong for others. I dont show how it affects me
Read more:http://blogs.myspace.com/elephantslovesunshine#ixzz0uL9qnGPN
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